How My Anxiety Came To Be Such a Big Part of Me

Hey everyone! Let's grab a coffee together and have a little chat about this big, scary thing called anxiety; I wanted to talk to you guys about something pretty personal to me; my mental health. I've suffered with my poor mental health over the years, some of my closer friends know about it but I'll always try to hide it away whenever I can. So let's jump right in and get this out there.

I'm honestly unsure of where my anxiety came from, or even if there was some sort of singular moment or event in my life that triggered it and started a huge snowball that would forever change me as a person. I feel like I have always suffered slightly with anxiety, even as a child in school I can remember the feelings of dread I would get. Those days were nothing compared to how I eventually felt though.

I do however know the moment it became so bad that I practically had to put my life on hold, and since that moment it's been a roller-coaster of coping strategies, counselling, medication, and yes, a lot of failures.

I'll be blunt with this, since I still have a lot of issues with revisiting this night. Maybe it was the fact that my life had taken a huge detour already at this time, practically living away from home with a friend's family. Or maybe it was the very recent break-up with my first serious boyfriend.

I was the victim of a homophobic hate crime.

Walking through a church-yard at night; alone with my ex-boyfriend, two people came running at us from behind and attacked us. I was left injured and alone, the ex-boyfriend made a run for it and left me.

Since that night my life took a huge turn. I went back to my house, refused to see friends and I was embarrassed to even see my family. The worst part? I knew exactly who had done this to me and I was so scared of the entire situation that I refused to tell my brothers, who were feeling very vengeful at the time. I didn't tell the police either; a decision I later regretted since one of the attackers came back into my life around a year later, but that's another story.

Since that night over ten years ago; I struggle going out alone when it's dark, meeting new people, getting close to people and things as simple as a knock at my front door can be a terrifying experience for me.

Thankfully, times have changed for mental health. I have people who can help me, friends who care for me, family that accept me, and a loving husband who I owe so much to. Yes, the story of how my anxiety became to be such a big part of my life was a huge ordeal for me and I have struggled, but I want everyone out there to know there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Reach out and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, or offer help when you see others in need.

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